Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
