hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
