How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What a dumb baby whore.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
