i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
