Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
