...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
