tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
