she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
