this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
