I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
