I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
