sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
