After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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