My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
