Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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