So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
