He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
