I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
