It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
