Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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