That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
