Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
