"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
