Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
