chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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