You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
