I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He better not be in your backpack
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
