she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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