You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
