just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
