I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
