My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
