Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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