Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
