his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
