worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
