Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
soo... how was my night?
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