remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
