IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
