The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
