So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
