Pants 0. Shit 1.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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