dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
