I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is my gift to your gina
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
