Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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