he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
