I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
