Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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