If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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