I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
