you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
