There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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