Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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