I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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