this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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