I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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