I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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