So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
