My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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