it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He? As in you personified your dick?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
