There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
