I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
