when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize