You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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