My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
