She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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