it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
