I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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