my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They are going to name an STD after you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
