My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
