dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your cock deserves a montage
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
