I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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