There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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