fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I didn't notice because vodka
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
