So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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