FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
