we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
