He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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