her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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