so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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