Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
