I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Barsexuality is the new black.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
