I feel like I'm in dance class right now
"it" just moved
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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