Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
