Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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