god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
