Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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