So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
