we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize